Friday, August 10, 2012

Wise Men and Women

Men generally don’t realize how their suddenly pulling away and then return later returning affects women. With this new insight about how women are affected by his intimacy cycle, a man can recognize the importance of sincerely listening when a woman speaks. He understands and respects her need to be reassured that he is interested in her and he does care. Whenever he is not needing to pull away, the wise man takes the time to initiate conversation by asking his female partner how she is feeling.

He grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back. He might say “I need some time to be alone and then we will have some special together with no distractions.” Or if he starts to pull away while she is talking he might say “I need some time to think about this and then we can talk again.”

When he returns to talk, she might probe him to understand why he left. If he’s not sure, which is many time the case, he might say “I’m not sure. I just needed some time to myself. But let’s continure our conversation.” He is more aware that she needs to be heard and he needs to listen more when he is not pulling away. In addition, he knows that listening helps him to become aware of what he wants to share in a conversation.

To initiate a conversation the wise woman learns not to demand that a man talk but asks that he truly listen to her. As her emphasis changes, the pressure on him is released. She learns to open up and share her feelings without demanding that he do the same.

She trusts that he will gradually open up more as he feels accepted and listens to her feelings. She does not punish him or chase after him. She understands that sometimes her intimate feelings trigger his need to pull away while at other times (when he is on his way back) he is quite capable of hearing her intimate feelings. This wise woman does not give up. She patiently and lovingly persists with a knowing that few women have. (Gray, 1992)

References : Gray, J. (1992). Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Harper Collins Publishers Inc.

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